haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I don't deserve a penis
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize