Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize