I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize