I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize