I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
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you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
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Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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