I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
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Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
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That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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