Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
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