you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Bring me that man meat
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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