I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
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I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
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I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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