first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
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Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
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Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize