I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
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I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
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So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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