fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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