I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
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Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
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you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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