Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
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Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
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thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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