Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
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She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
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then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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