I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
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Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
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He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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