I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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