there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize