Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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