There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
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i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
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