I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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