it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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