thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
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WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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