Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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