i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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