Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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