i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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