You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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