His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
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I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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