so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
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I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
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This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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