she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Vodka?
Forever.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
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