A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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