I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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