Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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