so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize