end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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