He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
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Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
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painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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