So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
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I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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