I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize