Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I want her autograph on my taint
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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