great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
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did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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