I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize