I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
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When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
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I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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