she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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