He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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