physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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