Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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