just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
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So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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