so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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