you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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